Monday, March 30, 2009


The title of this post PERFECTLY describes my day -- both figuratively AND literally! This morning did NOT go nicely -- much dawdling by the children and much yelling by the mother. Seth was the only one who wasn't getting yelled at (good thing for him on days like this that he can't do anything for himself -- I can't yell at a kid for not hurrying to get ready to go when he can't even put on his own shirt).

The biggest reason for their being late, though, was that Makenzie lost one of her sneakers. She had left one of them at her friend's house Saturday, but now we can't find the one that WAS in her backpack two days ago. They did finally get out the door, but their running late for school caused me to be late getting Seth to speech therapy. Joel had left his trumpet at the top of the stairs -- why in the world he didn't pick it up at the same time that he picked up his backpack which was leaning against the trumpet case, I DO NOT KNOW! So I had to drop that off at the school on the way. On the drive out there, I got behind WAY too many STUPID drivers!!! I realize that the roads were a little snowy/slippery. But we REALLY do NOT need to drive 40 mph on the 65 mph HIGHWAY!!!!

By the time we made it to the clinic, I was DONE! I took Seth to his little room where he plays/works with his therapist and asked her if it was ok with her for me to wait in the waiting area today because I NEEDED to recover from this morning! Seth didn't even care (thank God!) -- he did a good job in therapy today without me. I sat on the couch and read a chapter of my book. I readily confess that I often read to escape my own reality, and today was a perfect example of this fact. I felt quite a bit better after that half hour. Another thing that made me feel better was chatting with Seth's OT, Gayle. She had a little "situation" last night and sat down to tell me about it. It always makes me feel so privileged when people share bits of their personal lives with me -- like I'm a good listener and they feel safe and comfortable talking to me. Plus it takes my mind off myself and my problems.

Lunchtime went well, and then I got Seth's picture taken at the school (today was spring picture day for the elementary kids). I think the photographer and another mom there thought that I didn't appreciate Seth very much because I accepted the first shot she took even though he wasn't smiling. He was making a goofy "ooohhhh" face -- I thought it was cute. What they don't realize is that 1. I think Seth is GORGEOUS whether he's making a picture-perfect cheese smile or a goofy silly face and 2. the chances of getting Seth to ever make a picture-perfect cheese smile is pretty much impossible, so why waste time trying?! Proof:
See?! Cute as cute can be, but not what any photographer or most moms would want for a professional picture.

Now on to the literal poop -- Seth has not been doing any #2 lately, so I've been putting Miralax in his applesauce every morning. During his nap, the Miralax did its job (a little too well perhaps). I thought there was just a little leak on the edges of his diaper; but when I put him on the floor to change his diaper, it all leaked out the back onto his back and the carpet. YUCK YUCK SUPER YUCK!!!!! I put Seth in the bathtub while I cleaned up the mess. Add new carpet to the list of things to do when I get a job someday!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

sweet boys

I keep forgetting to write about two VERY sweet things:

Joel's idea for dinner the other night was for me to go shopping somewhere so that he and Dad could make a special meal that I didn't have to cook :-) It didn't happen, of course, but it was so sweet that he even had such a thought!

Yesterday, Luke FOLDED THE LAUNDRY for me without being asked. I hadn't even mentioned that there was any laundry to do. He just went in there and folded everything in the dryer (because he wanted to see his new tighty-whitey undies that were in there, but still VERY SWEET of him to take care of the whole load instead of just his -- he IS only five years old!).

P.S. Do you see Seth in the background of this picture with his John Deere stocking cap on? FUNNY!

It's all good :-)

First of all, thank you to everyone who reads this blog and sends encouraging comments. When I started this, I wasn't planning on anyone ever reading it. I just needed to "let stuff out" since the only people that I get to talk to most of the time are age ten and under. But between here and facebook, I've found so much friendliness and encouragement! God has blessed me through you, and I pray that He blesses you for that.

Now to undo the negatives from yesterday with the positive outcomes:
1. The cake turned out to be really yummy. The frosting and sitting overnight must have worked a tasty miracle :-)
2. There was no such miracle performed on the doughnuts. They were pretty dry and yucky this morning UNLESS I put them in the microwave for a few seconds. Then they were pretty ok (not great, but pretty ok). I didn't take them to my nursery because I couldn't microwave them there, and they're barely even edible without warming. But that worked out for the best, too, because there were hardly any people in my nursery today. My regular co-worker wasn't there; not very many kids were there; and one of the second-hour workers wasn't there. So I'll save that treat for some other day (after I get more flour and on a weekend that I have nothing else to cook).

And now for a FUNNY confession of my COMPLETE air-headedness:
This morning did not go according to schedule, so I was running around trying to get us all out of the house before I was any later to the nursery. We pulled up to the church doors at 9:44 a.m. I'm supposed to be in my nursery, ready to take children at 9:40 a.m. The greeter saw us pull up and was all ready to open the door and shake hands with Seth and me. I opened my door, stuck one foot out to get out of the van and saw that I had on BROWN shoes with my all BLACK outfit! And being the incredibly vain person that I am, I quickly pulled that foot back in the van and begged Jason to run me back home to change shoes! I apologized profusely while all the kids complained about being late. When we got back to the same church doors at 9:54 a.m., the greeter just smiled and asked if I'd had a "senior moment" like he always has :-) Thank goodness we live so close to the church!

This is me laughing at my ditziness (and probably waking Seth up with the flash):

Saturday, March 28, 2009

stupid, stupid, and more stupid

This is a STUPID day! I've been running non-stop since 6 a.m.! I'm exhausted! My neck, shoulders, and back are SO tense and sore. The morning was good, not stupid: had breakfast, changed the sheets, started the laundry, went to Walmart, picked up Makenzie from her first overnight birthday party (side note -- she was so tired, she begged me to let her take a nap and then was pretty grouchy the rest of the evening, but at least she had fun at the party), got lunch from McDonald's, put Seth in bed for a nap.

The day went downhill from there:
1. I made a chocolate cake for Rich and Darryl's birthday party tomorrow. I was almost out of flour, so I bought a cake mix. Yuck. Not super-yuck, but not yum like my cakes usually are. And I don't have enough flour to make another one.
2. Next I made doughnuts. I didn't feel like taking the time to find the one-cup measuring cup, so I used the 1/2-cup which was right next to me. The recipe called for three cups of flour and I was doubling the recipe, so that would be twelve half-cups. Somewhere in my brain, that got confused and I thought that I needed twelve half-cups TWICE. I stopped after a total of 21 half-cups. STUPID! I realized my mistake when I started stirring and the batter was like a ROCK. So I had to add more eggs and milk to make it a triple batch. The whole doughnut-making experience lasted a good hour and a half, and they're not even 100% good (maybe 75-80% good, but for all that time, they should be perfect).
3. Next, I made pizza for dinner. I had run out of rice flour completely, so I had to use my second-best pizza dough recipe (which isn't nearly as good as the best one, but it's better than nothing). I didn't measure something correctly because the dough was WAY to moist instead of firm like pizza dough's supposed to be. Then I burned the stupid thing because I was writing down all the books Joel read to Luke. (Luke gets library credit at school when anyone reads to him -- I had sent the boys downstairs to get their loud selves away from my stressed self and Joel decided to read Luke all the Dr. Seuss books that he could find:-)
4. Remember I HATE to cook, but I wanted to make the cake for the party and I wanted to take doughnuts to my nursery tomorrow and I wanted to eat pizza for dinner. The only way to accomplish any of those is to cook. :-(
5. My cd player isn't working. The radio works, but I wore out the cd player. So I listened to K-LOVE which was ANNOYING because they play certain songs at least three times every day. If I wanted to listen to the same songs over and over, I'd buy the cd! The good part was that they play at least one Third Day song every hour. Those people need help with their song line-up! I can tolerate cooking a little better if I can listen to music, but not music that I don't particularly like. Third Day and Sarah Kelly are my first and second choices -- the radio would be somewhere around 30 on my list, but that was my only choice today :-(

So now Jason and the kids are downstairs watching Meet the Robinsons while I'm here venting. Next I'm going to watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy because I'm TAKING A BREAK before I break down completely! I hope I can stay awake long enough after the kids go to bed to read. I'm thinking I need to cut back on the computer time to make more room for reading time.

I'm also thinking that this whole post is like shouting out to everyone that I'm LOONEY!

Friday, March 27, 2009


I have to leave in about a half-hour to take Seth to the audiologist, so I shouldn't be typing on here. But I HAVE to get this nightmare out of my head -- journals/blogs are therapeutic that way, aren't they? I take the thoughts out of my head, put them on this screen, and they don't bother me so much anymore.

This morning I had a NIGHTMARE!!!!!! The kind that makes me wake up in a panic and has the potential of ruining my whole day. I dreamed that Seth and I were driving somewhere (it looked like the road that leads to the airport turn-off -- is it Wisconsin? not sure). Anyway, I realized that I needed to stop by someone's house to pick something up, but I had just passed the lane -- a long winding lane that led to their house. Instead of making a circle or even pulling over and backing up to the lane, I decided to just leave the truck (why on Earth were we in the truck in this dream? I never drive the truck) on the side of the road (with Seth in it!) and run up the lane to get whatever it was I was getting. I was a little nervous, but I leave the kids in the van with the doors locked sometimes when I'm just running in and running out of someplace. I walked to the lane, turned around to check on the truck, and SOMEONE WAS DRIVING IT AWAY!!!! WITH SETH STILL IN IT!!!!! I'm almost in a panic right now as I type this and about to cry -- it was JUST A DREAM! I hope I learned my lesson, though -- no matter how much of an inconvenience it is to get one or all the kids out and back in the vehicle, I WON'T be leaving them alone in there again!

I forgot a book

I forgot to write about the book I recently finished -- The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers. I forgot because I wasn't overly impressed with this book. It was a good idea, but it seemed to drag on (and had a few too many "Christian cliches" which irritates me so badly!). The book is about a girl who is attending a Christian college, works part-time at a nursing home, and is engaged to a guy who wants to be a pastor. On her way home from work, she's raped. She finds out that she's pregnant, and everyone she knows except one person advise her to get an abortion. The majority of the book is about her going back and forth between wanting to please everyone, not wanting to lose any relationships, dealing with the trauma of being raped, and deciding what to do about being pregnant. There are many good parts to the book, but I guess it didn't appeal to me because of her "wishy-washiness." She can't seem to stand up for herself, even though she knows in her heart what she really wants to do about the situation. I can understand her hesitating to tell anyone because of the fear of losing everyone; but surely when she sees that she might just lose everyone no matter what she does, she should've stood firm and told her family and friends what she needed from them. All of the other characters (except the one who did not advise her to abort) were so self-centered and didn't seem to care at all about what that girl was going through. Never having been in such a situation, I don't know how people would react. It just seems more realistic for people to put their own issues aside to care for and support the person who was traumatized.

Anyway, I returned that book to the library and moved on to another book about a "special needs" person. So far it's pretty good. I think I've been a little spoiled by some of the incredible books I've read so that now, normal average good books aren't quite good enough. I can't seem to get into the stories like I did with some previous books. I have a HUGE list of books to try from the library and a couple books that I bought on sale at Borders. I'm hoping they won't disappoint :-)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

all kinds of "stuff"

I have a headache -- not a migraine, thank God, but just a headache that I've been holding off with ibuprofen. The reason to mention that is that this blog is going to be scattered because of that headache. I have a million little things running through my brain, though, and they need to come OUT!

I really don't like facebook. There's just too much stuff on there! I do like looking at people's pictures and reading their "what are you doing now" sentences. The rest of the stuff on there is just way too much for me. And the "what are you doing now" kind of thing is what I use twitter for. I love twitter! I liked myspace, but everyone switched over to facebook -- I've mentioned that before, I think. I'm still irritated by it, though.

And here's another thing I'm irritated about -- DRIVERS! Why in the WORLD do people drive FIFTY on the highway?????!!!!!! We can go 65, for crying out loud! Why do people drive 50? It's not icy anymore, so that's not their excuse. I think they're just not paying attention (aka -- they shouldn't be driving!). But people will drive 35 or faster through the little side streets where children could jump out at any moment. STUPID!!!!

Apparently, I'm grouchy. Good thing the kids are all downstairs playing the wii.

Ok -- here's a non-grouchy thing: a friend from church answered my facebook plea for someone to record Third Day on the Gospel Music Channel this Saturday. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SO VERY excited about this!!!! (and I have to point out that I changed my original opinion of facebook because of this situation -- I no longer HATE facebook. Now I just DISLIKE it :-) Someday, I'm going to have a job (at least I hope that'll be part of my future!) and get that tv station. I wish I could get JUST that station and not all the other garbage channels, but I don't think that's possible. I have a whole list for "when I get a job":
1. take all my kids to visit my family more often, like once every year or two (if I get a super great job, wouldn't it be nice to fly first class instead of squished-together-like-sardines-economy class?!)
2. go to any movie and concert that the kids and/or I want to
3. eat out more often (more than just McDonald's!)
4. go to the doctor and dentist regularly (such high ambitions, huh?)
5. hire a cook and/or housecleaner

I could go on and on, but those are the ones on my mind right now. That number one thing is on my mind because I bought tickets last night for Seth and me to fly to visit my family and go to my brother's wedding. When I told Joel, Makenzie, and Luke about buying the tickets, Makenzie and Luke fell apart! Makenzie went in a corner and cried quietly. Luke had no such good manners. He lets the whole world know when he's upset. For some reason, Luke gets very upset and scared when I go anywhere without him. He doesn't even like for me to go on my nightly summer walks. It didn't help in this situation that I'm flying out about a week before his birthday. I told him I'd only be gone for seven days and that I'd be home in plenty of time to put together his birthday party. He wouldn't listen. I'd take him with me so that he wouldn't be upset, but then I'd probably have to be hospitalized when I returned to Anchorage to treat the ulcers that would result from such an experience. I'm really looking forward to seeing all my family. I haven't been home for five and a half years, I think. My mom has been up here twice in that time, though.

I'm making eggs and sausage for dinner. I didn't feel like going to Carrs this afternoon and forgot to see if I actually HAVE enough eggs to feed six people. Have I mentioned lately how much I HATE to cook?! If it weren't for this stupid celiac disease, I'd be buying pre-made food ALL the time (like Costco lasagna, chicken nuggets, frozen pizza, ANYTHING that doesn't require more than opening a bag or box and sticking it in the oven!).

And I'm back to grouchy :-) Headaches rarely last more than one day, so I should be better tomorrow.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Seth's favorite book

Seth LOVES to look at books and to be read to. This is his favorite book to look at by himself. It's an electronic book that reads to him, sings to him, and plays music and sounds. He's telling me to sit :-)


I don't how all at once time can seem to DRAG (when I'm feeling like this fighting/whining/complaining time of the kids' lives will NEVER end!) and fly (like when I blink and the kids are twice the size they were before I blinked!)! Joel turned ten almost two months ago! Ever since his first birthday, I've made a tradition of taking him to a photographer to get birthday pictures taken (and the same for each child sometime close to his or her birthday). Last year, I took some pictures myself in addition to the professional pictures. They turned out pretty well, so I thought I'd skip the expense of a photographer and take this year's birthday pictures myself. I'm SO behind on this idea! And they didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped they would. But they're ok :-)

Saturday, March 21, 2009

ditzy / wrestling

I thought that I was doing a good job today with scheduling. I got up at a decent time, got the boys all ready for their wrestling tournament, changed all the sheets, started the laundry, went to Seth's appointment, got Luke's crayons, went to the library. At about 3 p.m., I started feeling like I was forgetting something, but figured it was just the different feeling of letting Seth sleep since I didn't have to pick the kids up from school. At 4:40 p.m., I walked by the calendar and realized that I had signed up for a Down syndrome group activity that started at 4 p.m. on the other side of town! We zipped over there and got to play for about 20 minutes. Sometimes I really amaze myself with my ditziness!

Today was Joel and Luke's first wrestling tournament this year. Joel won two matches and lost two. He did VERY well! Luke won two matches and lost three, but still got third place. Jason said that Luke should've won the first match he wrestled, but he must've been nervous or something. Last year, Luke didn't win a single match; so he's already doing MUCH better than last year!

Joel has gotten to be SO big! He wrestled today in the 95-pound group (88 - 95 pounds).
I know it looks like Luke is grabbing something he shouldn't be, but I guess that's just part of wrestling. I'm always glad when my boys are on top because it means they're less likely to get hurt! Luke was SO happy about getting that medal!!!!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

possibly t.m.i.

This might be too much information for some people and might be a bit inappropriate for public "display," but it made me chuckle. This morning, Luke came upstairs before anyone else. I gave him a big good morning hug and asked him if he'd like for me to take his braces off for him. With a CUTE little grin, he said that he'd better "bladder" first!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

walk in the SUNSHINE

I've walked a total of three times now this year :-) The first walk was only 20 minutes, but it was GREAT to be outside! The second one was last night, again only 20 minutes and NOT so great. It was COLD! My face was so cold, it hurt. The sun was bright again today, so I walked in the afternoon while it was somewhere close to "warm." I made dinner early, so Jason fed the kids while I walked. I don't really like that set-up because I like to be with the kids for the few minutes that they're home between school and wrestling practice (Makenzie even went today -- not to wrestle, but to watch or to play with other sisters of wrestlers). Plus there's a mess to clean up when I get back :-( I guess it was worth it, though, because today was a really nice walk :-)

Monday, March 16, 2009

crazy weather

Alaska is going through a "crazy weather" time! It's March, almost spring, seems like we should be seeing sun and some melting, understanding that it IS Alaska and spring might still hold a snow storm or two. But this morning, it was cloudy and COLD. Then somewhere around 4 p.m., the sun came out and it's "warm" (I use that term loosely here). I'm hoping that I get to walk tonight and enjoy that little bit of sun!

Right now as I type, I'm listening to the song "Ready" by Third Day (surprise, surprise!). Read the lyrics:

I'm ready for the winds to change
I'm ready for a brighter day
I'm ready for the sun to shine down on me
I'm waiting for a song to sing
I'm looking for a brand new thing
I'm ready now to live a life that I believe

I want the world to turn because of love
And mercy to find each of us
Doing what we can to just believe
I want the world to know that You're the One
Who fills me up and gives me hope
And brings about this change that's in me
I'm ready

I'm ready for the truth to be
Something that can set us free
Does anybody still believe we'll make it through
I'm ready now to take a stand
To live life for more than myself
Tell me now, my friend, are you ready, too

I want the world to turn because of love
And mercy to find each of us
Doing what we can to just believe
I want the world to know that You're the One
Who fills me up and gives me hope
And brings about this change that's in me
I'm ready

I can't sit around waiting for it all to change
It's gonna take every single one of us doing what we can
There's lots of fighting in this world but there's so much loving, too
So take my hand, I'm ready now for you

I'm ready for the winds to change
I'm ready for a brighter day

LOVE that song!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

baptized :-)

Luke got baptized tonight!!! So exciting :-)

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Let the walking BEGIN!

Yay for the beautiful sun!!!!! I went for my first walk of the year tonight. I only walked for twenty minutes, but it's a start. I forgot to check the temperature, but it felt like about 35 -- not too cold since I had on a long-sleeved t-shirt, short-sleeved t-shirt, fleece jacket, fluffy gloves, and an ear warmer headband :-) oh, I also had on pants, socks, and shoes -- guess I'd better make that clear just in case that wasn't assumed. I had my cell phone in hand (my version of pepper spray, I guess) and my mp3 player strapped to my arm (playing Third Day, of course -- I wonder if I'll ever feel like listening to something else?). The snow was all hard-packed most of my route. One section of road was a little messy/icy, but not too bad. It was BEAUTIFUL on the trail I always walk on! I've REALLY missed these walks -- glad to be starting them back up!

I'm not sure if I've ever written about my feelings toward television, but I feel like discussing it now. I don't like t.v. in general. I think it's a waste of time -- not that I'm the queen of wise time management (obviously -- here I sit typing on the computer). I just don't like wasting my time watching anything that's on t.v. I was VERY upset when I found out that we have to wait until this summer to switch everything over to digital! I was REALLY looking forward to our t.v. reception coming to an END! The one exception to this dislike is "Grey's Anatomy." I LOVE that show! Our t.v. reception went wacko sometime last year, though, so I missed a few episodes (or maybe a whole season, I don't remember). I can't just jump back in now, I have to watch the dvd's. So I started over with season one, borrowing them from the library. I'm on season two now. We only get to keep the library movies for one week unless no one else wants them -- then we can renew them twice, I think. Someone else wanted season two, though, so I had to turn it back in yesterday :-( But good news! There are three copies, and someone returned one of the copies today, so I raced over there and checked it out again :-) I'll be watching an episode as soon as I get off the computer!

Friday, March 13, 2009

sledding :-)

Since there was no school today, we went sledding with some friends from church. I had forgotten how much fun sledding could be (it's been a good fifteen years since the last time I went sledding -- in VIRGINIA!). I had gotten all the kids in their snow gear, but didn't even think about putting snow clothes on myself until my friend got to my house with hers on. I quickly gathered up Jason's snow pants and boots (since I don't own snow pants and my boots are covered and filled with sawdust because they've been under Rich and Jason's work station out in the garage for about four years), got my thickest coat, and headed out. Thankfully, our friends brought good sleds because ours turned out to be real duds! I was worried that Seth wouldn't like to walk in the snow or would be hard to "contain," but he REALLY enjoyed himself.
My friend and I took turns sledding with him and then pulling him back up the hill. That was quite exhausting, but the ride down the hill was GREAT!
I'm sure I looked more like a big child than a 36-year-old "lady" while I was squealing and sliding down a snowy hill, but WOW! did I ever have fun :-)

Makenzie was so helpful with Seth! If he fell down while walking in the snow, she helped him up. She even pulled him up the hill (or partway up while I took a picture :-)
Joel and Luke tried to sled together, but it didn't work very well.
Joel hit his foot on a rock trying to stop himself, so he had to take a little break :-)
He, of course, recovered pretty quickly so that he could sled with me :-) Seth didn't even mind waiting at the top of the hill with Makenzie.

And so the overall rating of this day is definitely an A+ The kids said they'd like to do this every weekend. I'm suspending judgment on that request until I see how my body feels tomorrow :-)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Seth's robe

Luke outgrew this robe, so now it's Seth's. And he LOVES it! I put it on him after his bath this morning, and he wouldn't let me take it off to put on his clothes. So he's still wearing it while he watches "Signing Time."

dancing in his new robe :-)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

funny kindergarteners!

Another lady that works at the computers in the cafeteria at school told me a FUNNY story!! One of the kids in Luke's class had run low on his lunch account, so his mom told him she would come in and put more money on it. He said, "Mom, you don't have to. Mrs. Hofacker takes care of our lunches." HA! He thought that I was paying for their lunches, not just putting the food on the table for them! I WISH -- wouldn't it be GREAT to be able to give away money absolutely WHENEVER someone needed something????!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Seth's creativity

Seth found some sheets in a drawer of his crib, so he made up a little bed for Luke's stuffed animal :-)

Monday, March 9, 2009

finished "Matthew"

This morning, I finished another book about a child with Down syndrome entitled Matthew. Obviously, the main character is a boy named Matthew. His mother is the author. This book was almost devastating to me for several reasons.

When the parents found out that their second child had Down syndrome, the father really didn't want to have anything to with him and the mother hoped that he would die (not because she didn't love him, but because she knew how difficult his life would probably be). So that made me think about Seth -- would it have been better for him to go right to Heaven instead of deal with this life? Since Seth is pretty much healthy and times have REALLY changed since Matthew's birth in the 1960's, I think my answer is "no" -- God sent him to me because He knew how much good Seth's life would produce.

Matthew's parents put him in three different institutions and one private home (not their own) throughout his life. Some of the things that Matthew endured in the institutions are just too horrible for me to think about long enough to type them out. Neglect was one of the least awful. He was well taken care of in the private home, but my negative reaction to that one is that he wasn't with his own family. I really don't know why the mother didn't want him to live with her. She really did love him and want the best for him. Why didn't she KNOW as a mother that what he really needed and wanted was HER?! Again, I thought of Seth in this respect. I learned a valuable lesson from this book: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER put Seth anywhere that I can't be with him or at least know every detail of what will and won't be going on. My brother-in-law is involved with a special needs camp in Ohio, and I'm hoping that someday Seth will be able to enjoy going to this camp. BUT after reading this book, I will probably either go with him or at least take him there myself and "inspect" everything and everyone that he'll be around and check in on him often (yep, I'm going to be one of THOSE mothers!).

The most heartbreaking part of the book, of course, was Matthew's death. I cried so hard this morning, I was almost embarrassed to leave the house to go to the school for Luke's lunch because my eyes were still red and puffy. Matthew was born with something wrong with his heart. Apparently, back in the 1960's, doctors didn't have the knowledge or experience that they have now because there was nothing they could do for Matthew. He struggled with many different health issues throughout his life, but then died of heart failure (rather slowly and painfully) at the age of 25. Part of me realizes that 25 years with an angel really is a blessing, but part of me can NOT handle the idea of my own baby's mortality. Seth was also born with heart problems -- a pretty large hole that was repaired when he was about nine months old. The general consensus is still (as far as I know) that people with Down syndrome have shorter life spans than other people. In a way, I'm glad of that because I do NOT want him to have to worry about my not being around to take care of him. But I also don't want to have to live without him or have him suffer in any way. As a Christian, I know that his life (all life actually) is in God's hands, so there's no need to worry about it. As a sinful, selfish human being, I still worry.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Luke at church :-)

Just think about the title of this post. Are you chuckling already? If you know Luke at all, you probably are! Tonight, he decided that he wanted to hear my heartbeat. Then he wanted to feel my heartbeat, but said, "Mom, I don't feel your heart beeping!" That's not a typo, either. He often gets words close, but incorrect :-) It makes conversations with him VERY entertaining!

Then when it was time for people to be baptized, he remembered that he wanted to be baptized. I had forgotten to really talk to him about why we get baptized, so I said that he'd have to wait until next week. The service ended, and we all got up to leave -- except Luke. He considerately put his feet up on the pew to let everyone else get past him. He had decided to sit right there until the next opportunity to be baptized! Thankfully, I had a mission to give him: we have to find his Bible in which I had written the date that he asked Jesus to be his Saviour because Pastor Tony would probably ask for that date before baptizing him. Whew -- Luke came home with me :-)

On a little side note -- I did something that I've never really done before: refuse to make allowances for a headache. I've had a migraine all day, been close to passing out a couple times, very close to upchucking several times. I decided, though, that I was going to ignore it and go to church anyway and not allow physical pain to change how I treat the kids (i.e. no yelling or be snippy with them at all, but trying instead to be more patient and kind than ever). I still have the headache, I couldn't stand up during any of the standing portions of the church service (which I HATE because that made me conspicuous which I always try very hard NOT to be!), but I didn't pass out or puke or really yell at the kids (only once and it wasn't really yelling). I am glad that the day is finally over :-)


I don't feel like looking back through old posts, so just in case I didn't mention it before I'm on twitter. (click on that word twitter to see my page) Twitter's kinda fun -- squeezing an often-times long thought into only a sentence. I joined it to be able to get Third Day's updates, but have found several other people on there, too, that I like to follow :-)

Luke is all wrapped up so that he doesn't "freeze" on the way downstairs to get dressed for church :-) We're going to be late if I don't hurry up and get Seth bathed, dressed, and fed! Seth is going to a new nursery today -- I hope it goes well. I'm sure it will -- he's such a sweet little guy, everyone will just fall in love with him :-)

Saturday, March 7, 2009

child art

Luke decided that he wanted to "do a project" this afternoon. He chose watercolor painting. Not long after he started, Makenzie decided to join him. All prints are available in 4x6, 5x7, or 8x10 for only $49.99 each :-) Since the originals are priceless, I'll be keeping those in my own art collection :-)
"tree and elephant" by Luke Hofacker (originally entitled "tree and mouse" until Makenzie pointed out that the "mouse" was as big as the tree and looked more like an elephant)

"mom and butterflies" by Luke Hofacker (at least I think that's me)

"mom and butterfly" by Makenzie Hofacker (I know this one's me -- she had to come find me to see what color shirt and pants I had on)

Luke's words & Seth's face

Last night, Luke was playing around when I was trying to get him to lie down and get his braces on. I firmly told him, "You WILL lie down!" He smiled his ornery little grin and said, "in green pastures." :-)

Seth's face here cracks me up! I think he looks like a "typical" person with Down syndrome in this picture, but he's having so much fun in that water :-)

Joel needed a haircut badly, so I decided to take both boys in. They both begged me that if Fran was busy, I wouldn't cut it myself (not good for Mom's self-esteem, but I gladly agreed). I took them to a hair school (I think it was anyway). Most of the "ladies" in there looked like they'd come to work/school/whatever right from their night jobs on downtown corners! Some of the clothes were downright embarrassing! Anyway, the boys' hair is "A.C.S. acceptable" now and I guess that's what really matters.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

sweet Seth

Got a picture of Seth sleeping :-) He woke up at 6 a.m. today, so he took a GOOD nap! Since he woke up so early, though, we got to do a real Walmart run -- return stuff and everything. And I didn't have to race through the store like I normally do. Seth has been doing some really good work at his therapy appointments lately -- talking more, doing more difficult things with his hands such as using a spoon and putting wooden puzzle pieces in place. Very impressive :-)

I made pizza tonight for dinner -- YUM!!! A couple days ago when Makenzie and I were cleaning her room, I found a pencil that matches my calorie-counting notebook. I begged her to let me have it and took it as a sign that I needed to start counting my calorie intake again. I also took the eight-pound weight gain as a sign :-( I am REALLY looking forward to summer when I can walk every night again! I have a treadmill, but I can't find a good place to keep it (it's in the cold, dark garage right now -- a little spooky and COLD) or a good time to use it. As soon as it's still light until 9 p.m., I'll probably bundle up and start walking outside again. I don't think I can wait until summer.

Sunday, March 1, 2009


If you turn on your speakers and wait a little bit, some music will start playing. If it's working correctly, you'll hear the long "Saved" by Third Day. Here are the lyrics:

I was blinded by the devil, born already ruined
Stone-cold dead as I stepped out of the womb
By His grace I have been touched
By His word I have been healed
By His hand I've been delivered
By His spirit I've been sealed
Now I'm saved by the blood of the Lamb
Yes, I'm saved by the blood of the Lamb
And I'm so glad
Yes, I'm so glad
I am so glad
I want to thank you, Lord
I just want to thank you, Lord
Thank You, Lord!

By His truth I can be upright
By His strength I do endure
By His power I've been lifted
In His love I am secure
He bought me with a price
Freed me from the pit
Full of emptiness and wrath
And the fire that burns in it.
Now I'm saved by the blood of the Lamb
Yes, I'm saved by the blood of the Lamb
And I'm so glad
Yes, I'm so glad
I am so glad
I want to thank you, Lord
I just want to thank you, Lord
Thank You, Lord!

Nobody to rescue me
Nobody was there.
I was going down for the last time
By His mercy I've been spared
Not by works
By faith in Him is all
For so long I've been hindered
For so long I've been stalled.
Now I'm saved by the blood of the Lamb
Yes, I'm saved by the blood of the Lamb
(Lots of "I'm saved" and "I'm so glad")
Thank You, Lord!

This song can take a truly rotten day and make it great, just to KNOW that I'm SAVED, God loves me enough to SAVE me and to love me NOW!

This song can also take a pretty ok day and make it even better :-)

The Hofacker Family 2008