finished "Matthew"

This morning, I finished another book about a child with Down syndrome entitled Matthew. Obviously, the main character is a boy named Matthew. His mother is the author. This book was almost devastating to me for several reasons.

When the parents found out that their second child had Down syndrome, the father really didn't want to have anything to with him and the mother hoped that he would die (not because she didn't love him, but because she knew how difficult his life would probably be). So that made me think about Seth -- would it have been better for him to go right to Heaven instead of deal with this life? Since Seth is pretty much healthy and times have REALLY changed since Matthew's birth in the 1960's, I think my answer is "no" -- God sent him to me because He knew how much good Seth's life would produce.

Matthew's parents put him in three different institutions and one private home (not their own) throughout his life. Some of the things that Matthew endured in the institutions are just too horrible for me to think about long enough to type them out. Neglect was one of the least awful. He was well taken care of in the private home, but my negative reaction to that one is that he wasn't with his own family. I really don't know why the mother didn't want him to live with her. She really did love him and want the best for him. Why didn't she KNOW as a mother that what he really needed and wanted was HER?! Again, I thought of Seth in this respect. I learned a valuable lesson from this book: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER put Seth anywhere that I can't be with him or at least know every detail of what will and won't be going on. My brother-in-law is involved with a special needs camp in Ohio, and I'm hoping that someday Seth will be able to enjoy going to this camp. BUT after reading this book, I will probably either go with him or at least take him there myself and "inspect" everything and everyone that he'll be around and check in on him often (yep, I'm going to be one of THOSE mothers!).

The most heartbreaking part of the book, of course, was Matthew's death. I cried so hard this morning, I was almost embarrassed to leave the house to go to the school for Luke's lunch because my eyes were still red and puffy. Matthew was born with something wrong with his heart. Apparently, back in the 1960's, doctors didn't have the knowledge or experience that they have now because there was nothing they could do for Matthew. He struggled with many different health issues throughout his life, but then died of heart failure (rather slowly and painfully) at the age of 25. Part of me realizes that 25 years with an angel really is a blessing, but part of me can NOT handle the idea of my own baby's mortality. Seth was also born with heart problems -- a pretty large hole that was repaired when he was about nine months old. The general consensus is still (as far as I know) that people with Down syndrome have shorter life spans than other people. In a way, I'm glad of that because I do NOT want him to have to worry about my not being around to take care of him. But I also don't want to have to live without him or have him suffer in any way. As a Christian, I know that his life (all life actually) is in God's hands, so there's no need to worry about it. As a sinful, selfish human being, I still worry.